The story of me…1991

The story of me…1991

How did you end up in Ontario?  

Just to be clear right off the batt – If I ever refer to home that could mean one of two places;  Winnipeg or Ontario.

At the ripe age of 9 my mother announced that we would be moving  to a small town in Ontario near Toronto.  We were shocked!  By this time in life both my older brother and sister had moved out of the house so it was just the three of us (me, mom and Luke).  

Mom sat us down and explained that the man she talked to on the phone all the time, Uncle Tom,  she wanted to marry and make a life for us with him.  She had known this man from her childhood and she had reconnected with at a funeral that previous year (kind of a long story but, he was married to her sister and that was the funeral my mother was at; hence the “Uncle” Tom…oh man thats just one of the side line stories).  

The adventure began! 

We sold everything (which i believed for many years included my hamster, only to later find out that he was run over by a car when someone from the yard sale didn’t close his cage properly) and packed up one vehicle and a trailer, with my uncle and whoopee cushion and headed East. 

The world was our oyster and we were going to meet my moms prince charming!  And it really was that.  Tom loved and spoiled my mom like she deserved, and gave us a home and a life that I will forever be grateful for.  

As a little girl without a dad one of the greatest gifts I was ever given in my life was the love from my “step” dad.  Altho he was tough sometimes, he was the best dad I could of ever wanted.  I’ll never forget the day of their wedding, running into his arms asking him “can I call you dad now”?  On top of that, watching how he loved and spoiled my mom was so magical.  

My mother was a strong french canadian women who had lived through things that most humans wouldn’t survive, at least being able to live a life full of love after, but she sure did.  I do remember one time specifically when I found her in her rocking chair with her Bible, crying.  I asked her, “mom, why are you sad” and Ill never forget what she said “Mom is lonely, and would like to have someone to love”  sheesh, what was I, chopped liver!  (no thats not what I responded), [me] well I love you mom. [mom] i know you do honey, but sometimes it would be nice to have a man to wrap his arms around me and love me.  So, back to Tom.  He gave that to my mom, and to both me and my brother. 

Now here comes the not so happy ending…

That only lasted 5 short years and my mom was diagnosed with Liver cancer.  I found out in September and she was gone in February.  This was my first “real” loss in my life (besides my hamster…which I didn’t know actually got run over and of course my cat frisky).  This is where my journey really began.

Have you ever had someone give you something that you really wanted and then they take it back?  This is how I felt for many years, and for many years I was looking for that family, I was looking for my dads love and acceptance, I was looking for myself, and I was looking for God. 

I think the number one thing that someone said to me stands out most in my memory “God needed her in heaven”.  F that!  I needed her!  I was a 15 year old girl, I needed my mom!  I needed my family, I needed something! 

So I set out on a journey (literally) to find a family, to find the “truth” to find a God that actually cared and loved like the God my mom seemed to know and believe in.  

So what do most lost teenagers do that don’t have  parental guidance do – find family in friends, find love in boys and find God in drugs, and thats what I did.  

**Note to my Dad (Tom):  You gave me one of the greatest gifts in life. LOVE.  How you loved my mom, me and Luke.  Took us in in and gave us everything you had.  Gave us a beautiful home, in a great town, a great childhood.  Where I learned so much and it shaped who I have become as a women.  Thank you for all the gifts you gave to me – more then you will ever know.  I love you Dad.

**Note to my readers:  The next part of my story moves into a little more like PG 13 so if your sensitive you might want to cover your eyes 🙂



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